How to Diffuse Negative Emotion

As you continue to develop your personas with the Personified Physique method you'll probably notice that negative emotions will surface. These negative emotions often surface 1) because we are trying to move in positive directions and are getting negative feedback and 2) because we are triggered by old patterns which annoy the hell out of us. (Nobody likes a habit they can't seem to give up especially when they are trying to improve their lives.)

Many times we will be triggered by people who we do or do not know well. Often times these triggers will result in feelings of negative emotions. The Personified Physique offers methods for talking to our negative personas to look at the negative emotion from a positive perspective (so we keep moving in a positive direction) but how do we deal with the people themselves?

When people trigger us and we feel negatively about the triggers sometimes we act negatively toward those people but that rarely works well for us since the trigger is about us and not them. So, the next time someone triggers you and you feel negative feelings surface try taking two inhales and two exhales (before reacting) and then try saying the following to that person:

1. I can understand why you feel/think that way. I see the situation a bit differently...would you be interested in hearing it?
2. I can see your point of view. My point of view differs somewhat....would you be interested in hearing it?
3. Thank you for sharing your real thoughts with me. I appreciate your sincerity. My thoughts differ somewhat. Would you like to hear them?
4. What I hear you saying to me is [SUMMARIZE WHAT THEY ARE SAYING] and I can see that you feel [SUMMARIZE THE EMOTIONS THEY SEEM TO BE FEELING]. Would you say I am understanding the situation correctly?

You may feel that it's difficult to see another person's point of view when you try these tips. If you can't authentically see another person's point of view it is very difficult to communicate. If you would like some tips on learning how to see from the point of view of another person try reading this article on "Learning to See a Situation from Someone Else's Perspective."